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It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
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If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
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God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
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A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
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A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
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We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
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Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
War doesn\'t make boys men, it makes men dead.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
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I\'ve had a wonderful time, but this wasn\'t it.
Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
The worst barbarity of war is that it forces men collectively to commit acts against which individually they would revolt with their whole being.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
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